OBAMA TO TAKE LESSIONS FROM CAIN ON HOW TO BE AN ANGRY BLACK MAN

By R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) - President Obama announced today that he has asked Herman Cain to teach him how to successfully act AWB (Angry While Black – not to be confused with the Average White Band that was popular in the 80’s) and still keep the support of a mostly white political party base. “I have been using the Rodney King-why-can’t-we al- just-get-along approach for so long,” Obama said, “that if I ever had any angry roots in me, they have all fallen out.” Obama praised Cain for “being able to basically tell nosy reporters to “shut the f**k up, when they asked him questions about alleged sexual harassment charges.”

Harold Stebbins, a White House Aide commented that if Obama could just get in touch with his inner angry black man, "to raise some Cain" so to speak, he could easily stop the Republicans in Congress from pushing him around like they were some schoolyard bullies about to take his lunch money.

Cain did not rule out giving pointers to the President, but said he would have to decline for the foreseeable future because, “some sweet young things have just joined my campaign staff and I’ll need to see if I can personally find jobs for them. However,” Cain continued, “if Obama would just follow my 9-9-9 plan, he’ll be OK – that’s 9 denials for every charge against him, accusing 9 others every time he is blamed for something and to get as angry as any 9 men would who have suffered over 900 years of oppression, then I think he could put the “bomb” back in Obama.”