ROMNEY: I’VE CHANGED MY MIND, I AM NOT A FLIP FLOPPER AFTER ALL

by R J Shulman

DOUBLE FORK, New Hampshire – (PTSD News Service) – Presidential candidate Mitt Romney told a small crowd of supporters that the reason it appears that he keeps changing his postion of issues is that he has an evil twin who deliberately spouts liberal ideas to confuse the public. “Before he was falsely elected president and was living in his native Kenya,” Romney said, “Obama had his evolution loving scientists create a clone of me from DNA they got from a stolen comb.”

Romney says that his double was carefully brainwashed into taking anti-Tea Party positions to sabotage his presidential bid. “For example, my wicked doppleganger has convinced the press that as governor of Massachusetts I was responsible for universal health care. However, not only do I believe that governmental health care is as Communist as Karl Marx, but tell me, how believable is it that I would want to be the governor of a state as liberal as Massacusetts?”

Romney says that regardless of what his twin may have said in the past, he is against abortion, religious cults such as the Mormons, any talk of global warming, greedy workers, special rights for gays and African-Americans, unlawful Mexicans and whatever the Tea Party and Rush Limbaugh will be against now and in the future. “Most importantly,” Romney said, “I stand for what I believe in unless it was something that the Tea Party in now against which meant my original position was taken by my clone and not me.”