CAIN: HO'S JUST CAN'T TAKE A JOKE
by R J Shulman

HERNDON, Virginia – (PTSD News Service) – The Cain campaign once again defended their candidate against the sexual harassment allegations that threaten to derail his bid for the White House. “Once you hear his side of the story,” said Willis Blair, a Cain campaign manager, who introduced Cain to an audience in Virginia, “you will understand that the charges against him are completely baseless.”

Cain began his speech with an explanation of the charges that have dominated the headlines. “When I mentioned beaver to that woman at the meeting, the bitch took it the wrong way. I simply was referring to the fact that we were contemplating using beaver meat as one of our pizza toppings, and when I was talking about honkers, I meant those drivers who lean on their horn too much and when I was talking about a large pair of hooters I meant the two big owls that were in the tree outside the window and when I mentioned big headlights I meant the ones we use on our large delivery trucks.”

Cain told the crowd that he didn’t recall that any settlement money was paid to settle charges of his sexual harassment. “I was under the impression that the payouts were to Godfather’s employees injured on the job due to our numerous health and safety violations.”

Blair said that Cain’s explanation should put the charges to rest and help bring back the trust of the American people in Herman Cain.