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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

by R J Shulman

NEW HAVEN, Connecticut - (PTSD News) - Having remained silent since the premature announcement of his death sixty-five years ago, former German Furher Adoph Hitler has revealed his thoughts on the most historic and controversial parts of his leadership of Germany between 1933-1945. In the wake of the success of former President George W. Bush's memoir, Decision Points, Hitler's book, Entscheidung Punkte will be published by Bush's publisher Random House. Hitler's tell-all book, originally set for release on September 1, 2010, 71 years to the date Hitler took his pre-emptive strike on Poland because he thought they had weapons of mass destruction, was delayed and should hit the stores on December 7, 2010.

In the book, Hitler defended his use of what he called "enhanced interrogation" of the Jews. "My lawyers told me it was legal," Hitler said, "besides how else was I going to get important information of who were the real enemies of the Fatherland. It's not my fault that a few died."

Hilter, not known for admitting mistakes in the dozen years he ruled Germany, said he made a mistake by "being slow to respond to the dangers of specific Jews, such as Albert Einsten and Robert Oppenheimer who's scientific abilities would cause trouble for Germany and Japan." My other mistake was on December 9, 1941, when I declared war on the United States. I should have jsut waited about sixty-years for great Americans like George W. Bush, Rush Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck and Michele Bachmann who understand that dangers of the socialist programs of traitors like FDR."

Hitler admitted that the low point of his Fuhrership was when Zippy Weinstein, a popular German Jewish entertainer said, "Hitler doesn't like Jewish People," to the German Press before he was sent away for enhanced interrogation. "I really liked that Zippy guy," Hitler said, "he could really play the fiddle and dance like nobody's business and it really hurt me to hear him say that."

Hitler says he has been heartened by the Amercian Tea Party and the current Conservative Movement in the United States. "My heart sang when that Rand Paul supporter put his boot on the neck of that communist female supporter. It was just like old times. The icing on the German chocolate cake for me would be if the Tea Partiers would trade in their stupid hats and stars and striped clothes for simple beauty of the brown shirt."

Hitler, originally perported to have died in a bunker in 1945, was kept alive in a bunker in New Haven, Connecticut, on property owned by former trading partners of his, the Bush family. He was kept alive by German medical science learned from experiemens on undesirable enemy combatants. "We lent these scientic discoveries to our good freind Dick Cheney," Hitler said, "how else could someone be kept alive so long without a heart."


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