BOEHNER: WHEN I'M SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE, JOB ONE IS TO INVESTIGATE OBAMA

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - With Fox News projecting the GOP to pick up 4,397 seats in the House in the mid-term elections, Representative John Boehner who would become the Speaker of the House announced his plans for the next two years. "The American people have spoken, telling us they are concerned about jobs, the economy and Washington being more interested in power and greed than helping their constituents," Boehner said, "therefore, we will immediately start investigating Obama.

Boehner said he and the Republicans will start the following full scale investigations:

1. Birth-Gate - Investigate Obama's fake birth certificate and prove once and for all he was born in Kenya and if not, that Hawaii was not a US territory when he was born.

2. Death-Gate - Investigate why Obama and the Democrats want to kill the unborn and the elderly instead of the people who really deserve to die - those that chose to be too poor to buy health insurance.

3. Preacher-Gate - Investigate how a Muslim like Obama could infiltrate a Christian church and made Reverend Jeremiah Wright say bad things about America.

4. Name-Gate - Investigate why a person would change a perfectly good American sounding name, Barry Owen to Barack Hussein Obama just to give aid and comfort to Muslim terrorists.

5. Michelle-Gate - Investigate just how much Michelle Obama hated America prior to 2008 in which she said she was proud of America for the first time.

6. Gates-Gate - Investigate just how Obama was able to brainwash a perfectly good Secretary of Defense, Robert Gates into not invading Iran to get rid of a tyrant and make sure Iranian oil profits help pay for the Iraqi war becasue Iraqi oil profits didn't quite cover the cost of that war.

7. Pal-Gate - Investigate Bill Ayers and other pals of Obama to make sure they are sent to Guantanamo where they belong.

8. Gay-Gate - Find out if Obama is going to shove the gay agenda down everyone's throats first by taking away everyone's guns and replacing them with Cher CDs or by making everyone give up red meat for arugula.

9. Ingesti-Gate - Investigate why Democrats failed to investigate all these investigations when Fox News shows 10,000% of Americans wanted these investigations.

10. Broke-Gate - Investigate why the House has run up the deficit to astronomical heights, but blaming these cost overruns on Republicans conducting wasteful, racist, hateful, pointless, partisan investigations off all things Obama is off the table.

"And if the results of the investigations don't show us what we want," Boehner said, "we will investigate the investigators."