CHRISTINE "I AM NOT A WITCH" O'DONNELL CAUGHT WITH EYE OF NEWT

by R J Shulman

WILMINGTON, Delaware - (PTSD News) - Republican Senatorial candidate Christine O'Donnell was arrested late last night after an altercation with former Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich ended with the Georgia lawmaker losing an eye. "I was just admonishing Ms. O'Donnell for running such a poor campaign," Gingrich said from his hospital bed, "and the next thing I know, she scratched my eye out."

When asked by reporters if she planned on using Newt's eye as part of a concoction to cast a spell to win her election, O'Donnell said, "could you give me a hint on what kind of spell and if not, I'll post the answer on my website."

Wilmington police say O'Donnell will remain in custody pending further investigation. "I wouldn't let my black cat anywhere near that lady," said Police Sargeant Walter Hutchinson.