TIGER CHEATED WITH PALIN, BOUGHT ANGELINA CHILD; ALL OTHER NEWS ENDS FOR INDEFINITE PERIOD

WINDERMERE, Florida - (PTSD News) - Tiger Woods may have apologized to his wife for a marital indiscretion, but many now believe he owes an apology to the whole world after it came to light the woman he had an affair with was Sarah Palin and that Woods apparently paid an undisclosed sum to Angelina Jolie for one of her children.

"The Tiger Woods stories have completely taken over the media," said Forrest Dalton, a media watch expert, "there will be no other news covered for the near and not so near future." "We've can't get enough of this story, "said Johnathan Klein President of CNN News, "we are covering this baby 24/7 and I mean 24 days a week, seven years straight." "Just think if Tiger hadn't gotten distracted by texting Sarah Palin, he wouldn't have hit that fire hydrant and we would be stuck having to report the real news, the boring news," said Sean McManus, CBS News President. "The whole fault for this affair rests with Barack Hussein Obama," said Roger Ailes of Fox News.

"This is as if the government shut down the media to avoid public scrutiny," Dalton said. "Not as if... it is a government conspiracy to shut down the media," said Alex Jones, a controversial investigative journalist. "Americans will not be able to hear that Wall Street has raided Fort Knox, the war in Afghanistan is being run by KBR and Raytheon, that we have reached the point of no return with devastating climate change, and that 9/11 didn't really happen on 9/11."

The only other news that managed to get some attention in any of the media was the story that Michael Jackson is still dead.

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