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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

by R J Shulman

BATTLE CREEK, Michigan - (PTSD News) - Former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin has become something she never dreamed of being - a best selling author. "This is such a thrill for me," said Palin as she signed copies of her book to members of an adoring crowd in this west Michigan city, "who could have known I would end up writing one more book than I've read."

Her book has elicited praise from her conservative base with comments ranging from "the most truth ever stuffed into the written word," to "it's the best book of the 19th century." "It's the most exciting book I ever read," said Alfred Olcott of Holland, Michigan, as he waited for Palin to personally autograph his copy, "well, ever looked at I mean."

Conservative politicians also have heaped praise on her book. "This book is such an intellectual achievement that it is understandable why she had to leave her post as Alaskan governor to have the time to create this masterpiece," said Senate Minority Leader John Boehner. "If I hadn't read the cautionary tales in Sarah's book, I might have been tricked into palling around with terrorists," said Senator Jon Kyl of Arizona.

"This book is the best thing since sliced Bible," said failed Conservative Party candidate Doug Hoffman of New York, "except I can understand her book more easily." "I like her book better than My Pet Goat," said former President George W. Bush, "all I got to say is you're doin' a heck of a job, Pay-lee." "The part about how her great-great-great grandfather rode on a dinosaur was so touching, I started to weep," cried talk show host Glenn Beck.

Sarah Palin has been able to prove beyond a doubt that she is the biggest victim of modern times," said Bob Jones University history professor Roland Gage, "she would surely be president by now, if she hadn't been savaged by the liberal press and the animals of Acorn." Among her tormentors, Palin described news anchor Katie Couric as "a nosy bitch who kept demanding to know the names of magazines I read. Golly, gee, what is there besides Gun Digest anyway?"

The book, Going Rouge comes with a discount coupon for purchasing ammunition, a list of Palin's political enemies' home addresses and tips on improving shooting accuracy. "The communist media is so against me," Palin said, "that if anything bad happens to the people on my enemies list, they will immediately blame me."

Palin is in the middle of a thirty city book tour which is unique in that she will avoid large cities such as New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco. "There are too many gay illegal alien Spanish speaking Muslims in those places," said Palin, "there is nothing my appearance could do anyway to stop them from going straight to the that place down blow that's even worse than Russia."

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