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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Monday, November 09, 2009

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - Not everyone is upset that unemployment has hit double digits for the first time in 26 years. "We see high unemployment as a great opportunity for us," said Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele, "we just get the message out through Fox News and talk radio that this terrible economic meltdown happened entirely on Obama's watch, a clear sign he hates America."

"The reason why Americans will blame Obama for the bad economy is they have no memory and can't even recall who was president before Barack took office," said Ian McLorry of the Heritage Institute, "our research shows that when you ask the average American who they think of when you say "Bush," 32% say Reggie Bush, running back for the New Orleans Saints, 31% say Kyle Busch, NASCAR driver, 20% think of the guy who invented baked beans, while 18% respond it's the guy who invented Budweiser. George W shows up with only 1%, behind a lilac bush which gets 2%.

"The great news about all this inflation," said Rush Limbaugh, "is that it means that Obama is failing. I thank God and celebrate every time an American loses their job."

"What is thrilling about all this unemployment is that workers will be willing to work for pennies on the dollar," said Tennyson Hodge of the American Chamber of Commerce, "now we can push for repeal of the minimum wage so real Americans can steal back the jobs from the illegal aliens who stole the jobs from them."

"The Democrat party looks at all this unemployment and sees the glass half empty," said Newt Gingrich, "while we positive Republicans see the glass getting fuller and fuller." Since the announcemnt that unemployment was more than 10%, the markets have soared to their highest levels in more than a year. "Less money spent on workers means more of a bonus for me," said Ted Thorsten, CEO of UHR Industries.

The Republicans are not the only group that sees the bright side to high unemployment. Chinese mothers now have a new weapon to use when their children refuse to eat their vegitables. "I just say, you be happy to eat your bok choy because million of starving out of work Americans who would love to eat your plate," said Xiu Chung of Xi'an, China.

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