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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

by R J Shulman

NEW YORK - (PTSD News) - Fox News is running a report that their biblical scholar Dr. Blanton Griswold has determined that if Jesus were here today, "he would absolutely be opposed to the public option for health care. "Jesus said God helps those who help themselves," Griswold pointed out, "which clearly means that our Savior would be against government hand outs, like the public option."

"Also, Jesus would be against a public option, since it could be used by illegal aliens, the group of people that the Prince of Peace hated the most," Griswold said. "In addition, Jesus was against the tyrannical Roman Emperors who Obama is patterning his presidency after. What Jesus supported was the corporate model of doing things as the Son of God was like the CEO and his disciples were like a board of Directors. "That is why any law that tries to put the health care companies out of business is pure blasphemy and anyone who would sell out a company by divulging that it is polluting or injuring people is nothing more than a modern day Judas."

"Jesus is all the health care I need," said Amy Toadstock, of Lima, Ohio, who was wearing a shirt that read, "If God Wanted Us to Have a Public Option We Would Have Been Born with One In Our Hand." "The public option is just the futile attempt of the heathen Democrat party to try to get in the way 0f God," said TV evangelist Pat Robertson, "because it's the Good Lord who is making people sick to punish them for supporting the gay lifestyle."

"First they've taken God out of our schools and now they want to take God out of health care," said Minnesota Representative Michele Bachmann, "the next thing you know, Obama and his Christ-hating minions are going to take God off of our money, and then where would America be?"

"I can't wait for God to smite these public option supporting atheists dead so they could see just how useless a public option really is," said Reverend Paul Luke of the Plantation Florida First Baptist Church."

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