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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - Usually Republicans advocate removing certain species from the protection of the Endangered Species Act, so it comes as a surprise that GOP leaders have introduced a bill to add to the protected list. "The times they are a-changin' and not for the better," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, "so what better way to protect vanishing breeds than to take advantage of the Endangered Species Act."

"The first species we want to add to the endangered list are health care insurance CEOs," said Republican Whip Eric Cantor of Virginia, "as these hapless things may not be able to survive its natural predator, the public option." The GOP, at the urging of its National Chairman, Rush Limbaugh, has proposed to add to the endangered list, '"bloated, balding, bigoted white men who are desperate to hold on to some kind of birth right they think they're entitled to."

Also added to the rapidly vanishing list are Jewish senators from Connecticut who have betrayed their party, their constituents and have sold out their humanity. The Lieberman-McConnell bill as it is called, comes too late to save one species that has become extinct, the compassionate conservative.

In a last minute move, the GOP amended the bill to protect people like Representative Michele Bachmann, "who call it like it is, regardless of the facts," said McConnell. President Obama responded by saying, "the Republican may have a point here because if the Endangered Species Act can protect the Ozark big eared bat, it should also protect the Minnesota big mouth crazy-ass bat."

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