SENATE CONFIRMS PAULA ABDUL INSTEAD OF SONIA SOTOMAYOR FOR SUPREME COURT
by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - In a move that caught even Washington insiders by surprise, the Senate accepted and confirmed the last minute substitution of Paula Abdul for Sonia Sotomayor as President Obama's nominee for the Supreme Court. "When Ms. Abdul became available after leaving American Idol," the president said, "I realized she would be someone that both Republicans and Democrats could agree on in a more bi-partisan manner than with Ms. Sotomayor."

"Polls show that more Americans are familiar with and more comfortable with judging done by Abdul than Sotomayor," said pundit Wilson Grommet. "I was going to vote no on Sonia," said Senator Jeff Sessions of Alabama, "but voted yes for Paula because she didn't say anything about being a wise Latina. Heck, there is nothing wise at all about Paula Abdul." "The Supreme Court has been so crazy lately," said Yale Law Professor Clayton Spudmeister, "that the addition of Ms. Abdul will make no difference in the Court's makeup."

In an ironic turn of events, Sotomayor will replace Abdul on the next season of American Idol. "I feel honored and relieved to be chosen to be able to pass judgment on who should be legally allowed to continue to sing," Sotomayor said, "because as a wise Latina, I know what's good to dance to."

When Abdul was asked about her position on guns, she said, "I prefer the missionary position." She also opined that a woman has a right to choose to have an abortion, but only if the woman is not pregnant." "Now that Paula Abdul is a woman with a brilliant mind," said Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. "It takes one intellectual giant to spot another," said Fox's Sean Hannity.

for the real news, visit CLG at http://www.legitgov.org/