PRESIDENT TO MEET WITH EVERY BLACK MAN HASSLED BY POLICE
by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON (PTSD News) President Barak Obama announced today that he will meet and have lunch with not only every black male who was mistreated by the police, but with each officer involved in the incident, in Obama's words, "to make it all nice." Obama was warned by aides that while there have been some strides in race relations, it would be an impossible task to end racial prejudice. Obama disagreed saying, "Yes I can."

The President will begin his series of meetings with Professor Gates and Sgt. Crowley who arrested the professor for disorderly conduct in his own house in Cambridge, Massachusetts. The meeting is off to a rocky start as the parties have not yet agreed on which beer should be served. President Obama agreed to forgo his usual micro brewery selection for his first taste of Budweiser, however Sgt. Crowley refused to drink Bud because is was no longer an American beer. Meanwhile, Professor Gates complained, "I bet that cop thinks that because I am a black man in America, I am going to want to drink something cheap from a paper bag."

Many Democratic leaders hail the president for trying to bring Americans together, but others are worried. "Even if every day with no days off, Obama visits with 100 black men who were hassled by cops, by the end of his term he would only have addressed about 8% of all African American men who had been mistreated by the police," said Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont. "It looks like health care, global warming, the wars in the middle east, and the tanking economy will have to be put on hold until these meetings are over," said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.

"Man oh, man," said Reverend Al Sharpton, "I'm not sure even Obama's million man lunch is gonna make things right in American for the black man." "This is outrageous and the American people should know what this president is up to," said talk show host Glenn Beck, "Obama has the audacity to try and take away the freedom of white Americans and tell us who we can hate."

Rumors have been circulating that Obama may include meetings with members for other groups traditionally targeted by police, such as Latinos, gays, Quakers and other peace advocates, Muslims, hippies, nudists and mimes. "Of course the President will meet with these groups, a White House spokesman said, "except for mimes who the President believes are not hassled enough.

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