COP WON'T APOLOGIZE FOR ARRESTING OBAMA TRYING TO GET INTO WHITE HOUSE
by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON - Metro DC police officer Mark Conyers says he will not apologize to President Obama for arresting him for disorderly conduct when Obama tried to get into the White House when the front door stuck. "There are not many certainties in life," said Sgt. Conyers, "but it is certain that I will not apologize to that man." DC authorities have since dropped the charges against Obama.

Apparently, the front door of the White House stuck and Obama was trying to get it open with his shoulder when Sgt. Conyers asked him for identification. "I told him he couldn't go in there," Conyers wrote in his police report, "but he looks at me and says 'yes I can.'" Obama said the he gave the officer his drivers license which showed he lived at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, the address of White House, but that Conyers was unconvinced. "He asked for my birth certificate claiming I looked like someone from Kenya," Obama said.

Washington Mayor Adrian Fenty, called to apologize and said that the police are on special alert because there had been a lot of break-ins in the Capital, starting with Watergate.

Harvard Professor Henry Louis "Skip" Gates, Jr. said the DC police "acted stupidly," and that there has been a history of blacks and Latinos being stopped by law enforcement disproportionately. "This is a chilling incident for blacks," Gates said, "black surgeons, black scientists and even me as a black professor at Harvard could have something like this happen to me. I shudder to think of what I would do if some policeman tried to arrest me in my own home."

Radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh defended Sgt. Conyers saying, "here we have Socialist Obama, the angriest black man in history trying to shove his way into the White House, mind you its not called the Black House and this policeman is just doing his job and the magic Negro has the gall to pull the race card."

"This whole incident wouldn't of happened," said Fox's Bill O'Reilly, "if Obama has just gone to the back of the White House to get in."

"I guess we have a new crime here," said Princeton Professor Cornel West, "it's called being President while black."

Obama said he will not let this issue die as "race remains a factor" in America today.

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