GOP: CIA LIED TO BUSH, NOT PELOSI

by R J Shulman
Top Republican leaders have stepped up their demands that Senate Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi apologize for saying the CIA lied to her. "The CIA never lied to Nancy Peolsi, but rather it was President Bush the CIA lied to when they told him there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq," said Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell.

There is no question that the CIA lied to Bush when they told him the mission was accomplished," said former Vice President Dick Cheney, "but Nancy Pelosi's claim that the CIA lied to her is quite tortured. Did I say tortured? I love the word 'tortured.'" "The CIA lied to me when they said we would be greeted by hearts and flowers in Iraq instead of by roadside bombs," said former Secretary of State Donald Rumsfeld. "But Pelosi's claims that they lied to her are so un-American that she should be interrogated until she retracts that lie."

"It was them CIA operators who wrongly misinformicated me that Brownie was doin' a heck of a job when New Orleans was getting Katrinicated," said former President George W Bush. "but there is no way those same CIAers would untruthicate the facts to Nancy Palooka because two lies don't make a right."

During my campaign, the CIA lied to me when they told me our economy was fundamentally sound," said Senator John McCain, "but they have never lied to us in Congress like Peolsi claims." "Those CIA folks lied to me when they told me it was Russia I was seeing from my house," said Governor Sarah Palin, "but those CIA folks did not lie to Congress and Pelosi's comments are so un-Christian that she should be shot."

The Republicans are calling for a special prosecutor to investigate Pelosi's comments. "If our members don't keep getting caught in sex scandals," said House Minority Leader John Boehner, "we should have enough votes to impeach that hypocrite Pelosi."

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