IRANIAN SUPREME COURT STOPS VOTE RECOUNT, NAMES AHMADINEJAD PRESIDENT

by R J Shulman

TEHRAN - (PTSD News) - The Iranian Supreme Court issued a ruling today that has stopped the recount of the controversial national election results, naming Mahmoud Amadinejad the victor. Supporters of the more progressive Mir Hossein Moussavi had been protesting the election, citing major fraud, while conservative supporters of Ahmadinejad called Moussavi a "sore loser." The opposition to Ahmadinejad cried foul, citing that most of the court that selected Ahmadinejad had been appointed by Ahmadinejad's father.

Moussavi supporters claimed they were bushwacked at the last minute by substitute ballots that were so confusing that Iranian Jews actually voted for Ahmadinejad, a sworn enemy of Israel. "It was our ox that was gored," said Ali Moussad, a Moussavi supporter. "They were trying not to count hanging Chads," said Moussad, "but there were so many voters who were hanged, not only Iranian citizens origianlly from Chad, but from other countries as well, that they all should have been counted let alone not hanged."

Upon hearing that there was a challange to his victory, Ahmadinejad said, "bring it on" and learning that the Court had selected him, Ahmadinejad said, "mission accomplished." He told reporters, "no matter who attacks us, I will invade Isreal because they have weapons of mass destruction." Ahmadinejad also announced that his friends will be given lucrative no-bid contracts because, "they're doing a heck of a job," he said.

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