BIG INSURANCE GIVES OUT AWARDS FOR SCARIEST LIE ABOUT HEATH CARE REFORM
by R J Shulman
BETHESDA, Maryland - (PTSD News) - Two heath insurance giants announced the winners of their "Scare Health Care Reform to Death" contest. Starting last March, United Healthcare and Cigna Health Insurance joined forces to create a contest that would award prizes to American citizens who came up with the scariest talking points against health care reform, slogans that would most likely turn public opinion against any changes to the current system. Truth was not a requirement, in fact it was discouraged as being a severe block to the creative process.

"We had to distract the public from the fact that a whopping portion of America's wealth has been flowing into a few big insurance and pharmaceutical companies," said Stephen Hemsley CEO of United Healthcare. "We especially wanted to keep them from finding out about my bonus, my salary and my stock options, said Ed Hanway, CEO of Signa, "and since big government prohibits us from feeding Muslims to the lions, what better way to keep people's eyes off the ball with a fun contest." The response has been decent, according to Cigna, if a bit derivative. "About 95% of the entries said, 'it costs too much tax payer money' and included a tea bag," said Hanway.

The winners are:

Fifth place, winning an "I killed health care reform" button was Frank Pharr of Henderson, North Carolina who entered, "Kiss your granny good-bye before Obama's plan does."

Fourth place went to Floydene Spangler of Big Spring, Texas who won an picture of Hanway's $134 million dollar mansion on the Jersey shore. She entered, "Obama's heath care plan will force you to give up your kidney to a Chinaman."

Third place was won by Scott Lee Priestly of King-of-Prussia, Pennsylvania who said "Before you can get any health care in Obama's plan, you will have to convert to being an A-Rab Muslim." Scott will receive $5 dollars off his $1500 deductible on his health plan, but must cash it in before he gets canceled due to having a serious illness.

Second place was captured by Paul Pope, of Tooele, Utah who won a chance to have one preexisting condition excused before he was canceled, unless the illness cost more that $3,500. Paul sent in a talking point that said, "Obama's health care plan will force your wife, girlfriend or daughter to be sold into slavery in Kenya."

The grand prize went to Loulene Swift of Paradise Valley, Arizona who said, "Obama's health care plan will ration health care so only illegal gay immigrants will get to see a doctor, and these same gay illegals will be awarded your house and your guns." Ms. Swift won a free pass not to have to wait in the doctor's big waiting room before she is asked to wait in the doctor's small room. In other words, she gets to go directly to the small room to wait.

The contest seems to be working as the support for health care reform has been steadily falling.

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