OBAMA TO PICK LIMBAUGH TO SUPREME COURT, RUSH SAYS NO
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – In a move that surprised even his closest advisors, President Obama announced that in a move to show bi-partisanship, he will nominate talk show host Rush Limbaugh to fill the Supreme Court vacancy when Justice David Souter retires at the end of the session. Upon hearing the news, Limbaugh said, “If Obama says yes to something, I have to say no, so I am saying no. Besides, if I agree, then he will succeed in getting his pick on the court and I must do everything to make him fail. And if his strategy is to get me on the court so the left wing can attack my decisions, than I must say no to make him fail at that.”

The question arose as to whether Limbaugh is even qualified to sit on the bench. “He sits on his anal cysts all day spouting garbage which make him eminently qualified,” said Rebecca Hunnicut, a Stanford Law professor. “If believing that the right to life only belongs to the unborn and the rich,” said Constitutional scholar Lawrence Tribe, “then Limbaugh is just as qualified as Justise Alito and Roberts when they took the bench.”

“But if Obama expects me to decline,” Limbaugh said, “then I better say yes to make him fail at guessing what I will do, but maybe he expects me to say yes in which case, this is making me sick. Would somebody tell my illegal immigrant maid to fetch me my Oxycontin?”

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