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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

COLEMAN SUES FRANKEN, CALLS HIM A SORE WINNER
By R J Shulman
MINNEAPOLIS – (PTSD News) Republican senatorial candidate Norm Coleman continued his efforts to overturn the apparent victory of Democrat Al Franken for the Minnesota senate seat by appealing yet again, this time to the United States Supreme Court. When asked if this latest round in the courts was just postponing the inevitable, that Franken simply received more votes, Coleman’s attorney Ben Ginsberg said, “no, because when a Republican fights hard to overturn a losing vote count, he is stalwart tenacious battler who stands up for his principles, while a Democrat who wants a recount, like Al Gore is just a sore loser even if it turns out later that they actually won.”

Coleman’s suit alleges that an obscure Minnesota law regulating Saturday night specials really means that it is illegal for someone who a member of Saturday Night Live to hold office. “You can be elected if you are the butt of a Saturday Night sketch like George W. Bush or Sarah Palin,” Ginsberg said, “but you can’t actually be a Saturday Night Live Special reporter, like Franken.”

While the Supreme Court has not indicated which way they might rule, Randford Chandless, a Yale law professor feels that Justice Antonin Scalia will hold that even though Franken may have received more votes, it would be unconstitutional to disenfranchise those who voted for Coleman to allow Franken to win.

Coleman said, “I am seeking justice so that Minnesota and America will have a senator who believes in fair play, quick decisions and someone who opposes the excesses of trial lawyers, unless they are my lawyers and who is against judicial activism where judges try and overturn the will of the people from the bench, unless the court decides in my favor.”

Franken has asked the Supreme Court to expedite the hearing so Minnesota can get its senate seat filled sometime before Judgment Day.
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