CHENEY: MISTAKE FOR REPUBLICANS TO ACT MORE LIKE HUMANS TO GET VOTES
By R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – Lashing out at fellow Republicans who have called for a more moderate set of policies for the GOP in light of their recent stunning defeat at the polls, former Vice President Dick Cheney said “only misguided terrorist brainwashed wussies in the Republican party could be weak enough to abandon the tried and true American values of killing, drilling, and spilling waste all over the planet. Might makes right and right is right were the American people really are in their scared little heart of hearts.”

Cheney appeared on NBC’s Face the Nation where he was asked about Colin Powell, who supported Barack Obama in the last election. “I don’t know exactly when Powell became a Communist,” Cheney responded, “but I think the reason he has missed the point about the benefits waterboarding is that he never had the pleasure of applying the technique himself and experience the sound of a grown man groaning. Thirty years from now,” Cheney said, “historians will look back at what we did in the Bush administration to combat terror and realized that not only did we keep America safe, but we sure had fun doing it.”

Cheney has publically chided Obama for discontinuing the enhanced interrogation techniques employed by the his predecessor. “Obama has put America in grave danger. He is talking about jobs and the economy when he should be building a case for invading Iran because of all of their weapons of mass destruction. Heck, he should keep searching for the WMDs we always knew were in Iraq.”

Cheney has implored Obama to release two memos written by the CIA that supposedly support the benefits of using torture. “I know those memos exist,” Cheney told NBC, “because it took a mighty jolt of juice to the ‘nads of those brave CIA boys before they wrote word for word those memos from my memory.”

“I, along with Rush Limbaugh, am fighting for the soul of the Republican party,” Cheney concluded, “That is, if the party had a soul.”

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