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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

By R J Shulman
ST. PAUL, Minnesota – (PTSD News) – Minnesota election officials said they should finish the vote count in the state’s hotly contested senatorial contest by November 2014, just in time for the next election. “Norm Coleman has us so tied up with his court challenges, that it will take that long to complete the vote counting process,” said Fern Swanson of the Minnesota Election Board.

Al Franken has had to raise over five million dollars just to cover the court costs needed to answer Coleman’s numerous challenges. Franken was declared the winner by 225 votes by the election board last month, but Coleman, funded by the Republican National Committee and by large corporations has taken advantage of Minnesota’s arcane voting laws to issue a string of challenges. “We have a system here in Minnesota where all of our voting challenges are above average,” said Garrison Keillor popular host of A Prairie Home Companion.

Coleman has defended his actions as being necessary to counter bad behavior exhibited by the Democrats. “First, they were sore losers in Florida asking for a recount when Bush won,” Coleman said, “now the hypocritical Democrats don’t want a recount when they are sore winners. Somebody has got to call them to task that they are nothing more than a bunch of sore heads.”

Colman’s exhaustive efforts to block Franken from taking his senate seat have been strongly supported by Fox’s Bill O’Reilly. “Coleman is a real America hero,” O’Reilly said, “think of the many lives he is saving of those innocent people I would be killing on a wild rampage if I were forced to say ‘Senator Franken.’”


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