OBAMA INAUGURATED: CONSERVATIVE TALK SHOW HOSTS SECEDE FROM THE UNION
By R J Shulman
NEW YORK – (PTSD News) – In his inaugural address, President Obama called for all Americans to come together, take responsibility, and pitch in to restore the luster to the American dream. Millions of Americans and people around the world cheered as Obama took the oath of office and addressed the huge crowd, but this message of unity fell on a few deaf ears, namely conservative talk show hosts.

“I don’t care how much magic this Negro has,” said Rush Limbaugh, “it’s just not the proper order of things for him to be president.” Limbaugh’s words were echoed by dozens of other popular right wing talkers. “Barack Hussein Hussein Hussein Obama is the worst president ever,” said Bill O’Reilley, “and did I mention that his middle name is Hussein?” “He is not my president,” said Sean Hannity, “Sarah Palin is my president and she would be in the White House right now if the liberal media conspiracy had not succeeded in making her look uniformed and totally unprepared to be elected. The nerve of that communist Katie Couric for asking her what magazines she reads just to make her look bad. You didn’t see Couric ask Obama what magazines he reads.”

“I can no longer be part of this nation, now that we have a Muslim president with a bad Christian preacher, both of whom are illegal aliens who snuck across the border from Mexico to bring their diseased corrupted foreign ideas into America,” said Michael Savage. “Americans better wake up,” said Glenn Beck, “this Obama is an imposter is in the White House, a fake president who is responsible for killing Vince Foster, the assassination of JFK and the death of America itself. So, I am seceding from the United States and forming the CSA, the Conservative States of America.” “I can no longer live in a nation where the president has caused the economy to fail, and has stuck us in two useless wars,” said Neil Bortz. “And if Obama can cause so much havoc in just minutes in office, image the damage he will do in four years.”

“It is not surprising that conservative talkers have separated from the United States,” said Dr. Miles Cohan, a psychologist from Columbia University. “Their constant attacks against Obama during the election campaign utterly failed and they are angry that they have lost their perceived birthright as white men to dominate women and minorities. They are also furious over the small size of their penises.”

When asked if he would fight to keep the conservative talkers as part of the Union, President Obama said, “They have been in a world of their own for some time now, and unfortunately there may be nothing that can be done.”