BUSH: I PROTECTED AMERICANS FROM BEING ATTACKED BY EVERYONE BUT ME
By R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – On his last day in office, President Bush told reporters that he can rest easy now that he had achieved his goal to make America safe. “I have protecticated the American people, and I made sure that since 9-11, the twin towers were not attacked again. And since 9-11, I made sure that we were not attacked by those that want to destroy our Constitution…wait, Alberto Gonzales let that attack. Well, at least we didn’t get attacked by flying monkeys, wait… Dick Cheney led that attack. Well, at least we kept our spies safe from being discovered by the enemy, wait... Dick Cheney led that attack, too. Well, at least we didn’t get attacked by a wild pack of dinosaurs trying suck out our life blood, wait, my friends in the oil industry let that attack. Well at least we didn’t get attacked by greedy Wall Street criminal monsters who wanted to destroy America’s economy, wait… that attack was led by all my deregulation Well, at least we didn’t get attacked by incomepetence… who am I kidding… all I got to say is mission accomplished, heh, heh, heh heh."