GOP STATEGY:WE WANT TO BE THE PARTY OF AGING ANGRY WHITE MEN
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – The Republican party announced that its strategy is that it will appeal to angry aging white men who still think the Viet Nam war was a good idea and that the United States could have won it, if it wasn’t for those dope smoking hippies. “This seething mass of hatred and rage that we want to serve is the most motivated voter there is,” said Mitch McConnell, “and we want to tap into this powerful machine.” McConnell stated that his party would therefore move harder to the right. “For example,” McConnell said, “not only will be opposing gay marriage, but we will support a measure that says that anyone who lets their child turn gay, will have their marriage voided.”

This means that the Republicans have officially given up on appealing to other voting demographics. “The chick vote is so unpredictable,” said Ray Boynton of the Republican National Committee, “they change their minds more often that Mitt Romney changed positions and besides, it’s an enigma why these broads think we don’t respect them.” “We are not going after the downtown Willie Brown vote either, if you catch my drift,” said RNC chairman candidate Chip Saltsman, who was most recently in the news for sending fellow Republicans a copy of the song, Barack the Magic Negro, “because this would jeopardize our control of the South and that is now the last area of the country we can really count on.”

“We are not worried about losing the youth vote as that is just a temporary setback for us,” said Republican strategist Grover Norquist, “with the economy trashed, in the foreseeable future, young people will be so busy working three or four jobs to make ends meet, that they won’t have time to vote anyway.” “We feel we can take back the presidency and congress by sticking to the basics - division, exclusion and fear,” said Newt Gingrich on Fox and Friends. “While the Democrat party will be wasting their time construction this ridiculous big tent to include people, we will simply burn the darn thing down. Opposing gay marriage, science, and a living wage will position us well, as we prepare to dive headlong into the new century, the 19th, I believe,” Gingrich said.