AFTER PRESIDENCY, BUSH WILL BECOME SOMALI PIRATE
By R J Shulman
BOSASSO, Somalia - (PTSD News) – In a surprise announcement, President Bush told reporters, “After my term as President is terminated, I will be a pirate from Somalia. I toldicated the American people that the oceans no longer protect us, and as a Somali pirate I will make prophesy on that, so timber me shivers and hoist up the main deck, it’s a pirate’s life for me.”

“Being a Somali pirate is a natural progression for Bush,” said Blair Sheppard, a professor of applied political science at Yale, “He’ll get to use shock and awe when he invades unarmed boats, steal other people’s oil and say ‘mission accomplished’ on the deck of a large ship. And as a pirate, he can pull off something he couldn’t quite do as president – technically, he will be above the law.”

“Bush won’t have to be bothered with the Fourth Amendment or whether torture is legal,” said Janice Poe, a professor of Constitutional law at Stanford, “as a pirate he automatically can declare anyone else on the high seas an enemy combatant and have his way with them.”

“At first I was worried about his safety when he told me he wanted to be a pirate because he falls off of bicycles and stuff,” said Laura Bush, “but after I realized he was going to be home all day, I ran out and bought this cute pirate hat at Party City.” “All I need is a parrot,” Bush said. “Maybe I’ll get me one of those un-reelected Republican congressmen as they were good at repeating everything I said.”

“I’m well suiticated for this life of a pirate,” Bush concluded, “Bush is my name and that is part of the word ‘ambush’ and ambush is what pirates do.” “He sure did that to the Bill of Rights,” said Chauncy Chambers, a University of Virginia law professor.