BUSH WILL PARDON EVERYONE BUT FATHER AND DICK CHENEY
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – Sources close to George W. Bush say the President has made his list, checked it twice, but two prominent names will not be on it. “I am pardonating everyone from Ted Stevens to Cat Stevens, from Tony Soprano to Tony Romo,” said Bush. “I’ve been writing so many names my hand is too tired to sign any bail out for the auto industry, heh-heh. But don’t expecticate me to put my daddy’s name on the list,” Bush said, “He didn’t complete the job in Iraq, leaving it up to me to finish messing it up. And Cheney? Why should I pardon the guy who gave me such bad advice that he made Rumsfeld seem like a genius. Resistance in its final throes, my ascot.”

Vice President Dick Cheney replied to the announcement that he was not being pardoned by calling the New York Times from one of his bunkers. However, the phone call was garbled requiring a team of audio experts to try and decipher the message. So far they have detected two phrases, “puppet moron” and “hunting trip.”