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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

By R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – In the waning moments of his presidency, George W. Bush has admitted that he was severely injured in 2003 when he was opening up a can of whup ass. “I was cranking this can opener on this big old giant can of whup ass and speechifying to the American people,” said President Bush, “One minute I was saying ‘bring it on’ and the next minute I cut a deep cut in my hand.”

“The wound was so deep,” said Norman Unkler, a White House aide, “that the President bled everywhere. He got blood all over the economy and the Constitution. We were able to save his hand, but I am not so sure we were able to salvage the economy or the Bill of Rights.”

“President Bush also cut himself on cans of Whup Ass when he said ‘mission accomplished’ and ‘Osama bin Laden, wanted dead or alive,’” Unkler said, “but those injuries were not as server or long lasting. In fact, the ‘bring in on’ injury is so severe, George is going to be forced into a disability retirement sometime in January.”

“We began an investigation to determine if the can of whup ass or the can opener was defective,” said Flip Schoenfeld of the Consumer Protection Agency, “but when we found out that both the can and the opener was supplied on a no bid contract by Halliburton, Vice President Dick Cheney suggested he should handle the investigation. So far, the report has not been released.”

Does President Bush have any advice for the incoming President? Bush said,” nobody could have known that you have to planicate ahead before you open a can of whup ass.”


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