McCAIN RESUMES CAMPAIGN
By R J Shulman
PHOENIX – (PTSD News) – Claiming the economy is once again fundamentally sound, Senator John McCain announced that he has ended the suspension of his campaign. When told that the election was over and Obama had won, McCain said, “I have not yet begun to fight.”

“That man wants to fight everything,” said a former McCain staffer, Lyndsey Marsh. “He wants to fight the Iraqis, he wants to fight the Iranians, the Soviet troops in Yugoslavia, William Ayers, the Acorn voter registrants, he wants to fight the goddamn Dallas Cowboys. The only thing I heard him say he doesn’t want to fight is poverty.”

“He was quite livid when he found out that Sarah Palin had gone back to Alaska,” said Syd Greene, a McCain organizer in Vincennes, Indiana. “He said he picked Palin because she wasn’t afraid to shoot her weapon, but didn’t expect her to cut and run back home like a scared rabbit.” Sarah Palin responded by saying there was no rift between her and McCain. “We love each,” she said, “it is just the damn media blowing it all out of proportion.” She said she would personally send a couple of Alaska State Troopers down to Arizona to make sure John knows just how much she loves him.

“They want a maverick do they?,” McCain told a reporter from the Phoenix Sun who he had pinned against a wall, “What is more maverick than a candidate who still fights after he lost the vote by as much as I did?”