OBAMA VICTORIOUS; NORTH FINALLY WINS CIVIL WAR
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) Senator Barack Obama decisively defeated his Republican opponent to become the first American president of African-American descent. “To put this historic event in perspective,” said historian Lowell Baxter of Yale University, “you must look to President Lincoln’s own words. In an obscure passage he wrote, ‘freeing the slaves does not free America. This great nation will be free not when a person born in a log cabin can become president, but when a person born black in a log cabin can become president.’ The North,” said Baxter, “has prevailed. The Civil War is now over, 147 years after it began. Now it's time to bring these great southern states back into the fold.”

“The South put up a good fight,” said Professor Sarah Gonzales of Stanford University. “They won over most of talk radio which has participated in race bating, and immigrant hating. Radical religions of the South threatened to overtake government. Country music is the most popular style in the nation and have your ever heard of a Northern Fried Steak? But somehow, with the election of Barack Obama, the long war is finally over and now its time to heal.”