DRUDGE TO REPORT OBAMA’S CHOICE FOR SECRETARY OF STATE WILL BE MONICA LEWINSKY
by R J Shulman
HOLLYWOOD, California - (PTSD – News) - The Post Times Sun Dispatch has learned that The Drudge Report will claim Barack Obama will not choose Hillary Clinton for Secretary of State as anticipated, but will offer the post to Monica Lewinsky. President Elect Barack Obama was unavailable for comment, but Senator Clinton said, “you mean that twit will take my place again?”

The Drudge Report speculates that Obama changed his mind about Hillary Clinton because he did not want to be perceived as being too tied into the Clinton Administration which would weaken his message of change. Matt Drudge continued, “Obama then decided to reach across the aisle and choose Sarah Palin, but when Sarah did that interview where the turkey was getting slaughtered, he thought better of it. Besides, Obama advisors reminded him that Lewinsky has more foreign affairs experience than Palin. Monica had White House experience and if the White House is bombed she will at least know how to get under a desk.”

“The Drudge Report is 99.9% accurate,” said Clayton Wainwright of the Heritage Foundation, “until proven wrong, of course. But by that time, Fox News and conservative talk radio have been banging away at the false story so many times, it has already become the truth.”

The Post Times Sun Dispatch has also learned Drudge will claim Obama runs a secret landing strip near Matoon, Illinois where drugs are flown in from South America to help fund his nefarious schemes, and will also report it was Obama who really killed Vince Foster. “Why reinvent the wheel, when this stuff worked so well against Bill Clinton?” Drudge said. “Although, if that doesn’t work, I will report that Obama will be coming for your guns, your bibles and your daughters. And if that fails to rile the Republican base, I’ll use the nuclear option. I’ll say Obama is coming for your best hunting dog.”

In addition, Drudge will report that an unusually large number of persons died in Fort Wayne, Indiana after Obama spoke to them. “The President Elect made a stop at a the Happy Hills nursing home, there” said an Obama spokesperson. “Anyone who died, died of old age.”

“With just a few more of my reports like this,” concluded Drudge, “the impeach Obama bandwagon will be rolling down the road at full steam.” A spokesman for the House Majority leader said Nancy Pelosi won’t make the same mistake twice. This time, as a bipartisan gesture, she will put impeachment back on the table.