PRESIDENT BUSH SLOWS ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION WITH HIS ECONOMIC DE-STABILIZATION PLAN
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) The latest figures indicate that President’s Bush’s strategy for the economy is paying off when it comes to stemming the tide of illegal immigration into the US. A new study shows that illegal immigration is down nearly 48% from this time last year.

“The un-surge of economic prosperity is working,” Bush said. “I knew that if I Katrinad the economy, those unlawful Mexicans who came up from South America would have no jobs up here to illegal alienate to.”

The latest study by the Pew Research Center shows that not only has immigration into this country slowed considerably, but that we are now seeing an alarming trend of US citizens headed south to Mexico. ”Thousands of out of work financial workers have been illegally crossing the border into Mexico,” said Thomas Praeger, senior analyst at Pew.

“We have go to do something about these pasty faced Americans invading out country bringing their bland food, and uptight bible thumping repressed sexuality to use up resources that are paid for by hard working Mexican taxpayers,” said Raul Mendoza, who is running for mayor of Ciudad Juarez, a city which borders El Paso, Texas. “Those leaving the US and going to Mexico are taking jobs as investors and mortgage brokers, jobs no Mexican would take,” said Fred Clifton, a senior researcher at PEW. “For Mexicans, those jobs are just too risky.”

The President who touted his success at a press conference at the White House Rose Garden said, “This shows the wrongness of you doubters who think I am smally intelligent because my mission accomplished with the economy has worked to stop the bad immigration and this shows that I am the sharpest bulb in the drawer.”

“Man, there are just no opportunities up here no more,” said Jesus Guiterrez of Colima, Mexico who used to work various jobs in the United States. “How can Norte Americanos live like this?” “I have got to feed my family somehow,” said Carlton F. Sloan III, formerly a broker with Bear Stearns, “so you can’t blame me for coming to Mexico to look for opportunities to speculate to put food on the table.”

“The United States with its depressed economy, lack of manufacturing jobs and few rich and ever increasing poor is really much more like its third world neighbors than anyone could have imagined twenty years ago,” said Praeger.