AMERICA REELING FROM BEJESUS SHORTAGE: “IT’S BEEN SCARED RIGHT OUT OF US”
By R J Shulman
SANTA MONICA, California (PTSD News) – On the heels of the financial crisis gripping Wall Street, America is now facing an unprecedented shortage of bejesus. A new study by the Nicholas Institute has determined that America has the lowest level of bejesus since the survey was begun in 1951.

“First there was 9-11,” said Manny Alvarez, an analyst at Nicholas. “Then the fear that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction scared a significant additional amount of bejesus out of us. Even more bejesus was terrified out with all that manipulation of the terror level by Homeland Security. And it goes without saying,” continued Alvarez, “that precious bejesus was lost every time Cheney opened his mouth”

The newest study noted that in the past there was protection against bejesus depletion. “When things looked scary, Franklin Delano Roosevelt told us that we had nothing to fear except fear itself,” said Pamela Charles, a senior Nicholas analyst. “Now it seems politicians want to scare us to death. Just look at the latest reports being spread that Barack Obama is an angry black Muslim terrorist who wants to turn the White House into a Flavor Flav style brothel.”

“At the rate we are going,” Charles said, “we may never be able to resurrect bejesus.” The 405 page study says that there may be some hope if Barack Obama is elected president, but if McCain and especially Sarah Palin are in office, I am afraid that bejesus will be left behind.”