McCAIN CANCELS DEBATE: I AM NEEDED AT MAYO CLINIC TO HELP CURE CANCER
By R J Shulman
ROCHESTER, Minnesota (PTSD News) – Senator John McCain announced that he is suspending his campaign an will not appear that the scheduled debate with Barack Obama in Nashville this Tuesday. “There is a cancer crisis and I am needed to help solve it,” McCain said. McCain indicated he will not return to the Presidential race until a cure has been found.

“The fact that Obama will not cancel his debate appearance is proof that Obama puts his own political ambition above lives of our children who are dying of cancer,” said Rick Davis, McCain campaign manager. “When I heard that Obama was going to debate in light of the cancer crisis,” said Representative Lynn Westmoreland of Georgia, “all I could think of was just how uppity Obama is.”

“The voters can now see how John McCain puts American first,” said Steve Schmidt, senior McCain campaign manager. “After solving the financial crisis before the first debate, John is turning his experience and maverick nature toward fighting cancer. Obama, meanwhile is apposed to the surge against that terrible disease.”

“This proves that John McCain is the candidate of choice for women,” Sarah Palin said at a rally in Hendersonville, North Carolina, “because, doggone it, this hockey mom can assure you fellow lipstick wearers that John McCain is helping you choose life for your kids who have or may get cancer, while that Muslim, terrorist loving, name caller Barack Obama wants those poor little children to all die.”

Senator Obama was unavailable for comment as he was meeting behind closed doors with his financial advisors regarding the deepening financial crisis.