PRESIDENT, CONGRESS TO WORK HARD TO FORGE BAILOUT FOR McCAIN
by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – (PTSD News)- Negotiations continue over a package to bail out the collapsing McCain campaign. “We will get this package passed,” said President Bush, “we will rise to the occasion, just like the water rose in New Orleans.”

“McCain is sinking faster than the Lusitania on steroids,” said Senator Barney Frank of Massachusetts. “If his candidacy crumbles it could threaten our two party system of government.”

“One of the sticking points for lawmakers is whether to allow golden parachutes for McCain advisors who messed things up like Phil Gramm who called Americans whiners about the economy or Carly Fiorina who said McCain couldn’t run Hewlett-Packard.”

“We need to hammer out the details of regulations to prevent a future presidential candidate from choosing a running mate as unqualified as Sarah Palin,” said Senator Dodd of Connecticut. “We can’t have a candidate pick a person who Americans know less about than they now about CDOs and mortgage backed securities.”

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada said that lawmakers may have to stay past Friday’s planned recess for November campaigning. “This is one heck of a mess and if McCain keeps making bad mistakes, he could throw the country in a major depression.”