NEEDING AN EARLY START, BUSH BEGINS POLISHING UP PARDON LIST
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – He’s checking it once, he’s checking it twice. President Bush is already hard a work on his pardon list. “Forget the best dressed list,” said Francine Pearsall of People Magazine, “this year, the pardon list in the one to be on.”

“At first, I was the Decider,” said President Bush, “now I am the Pardonator. They could make a movie about me starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as the Pardonator if he wasn’t already on my list as himself.”

Vice President Dick Cheney said, “I have complete confidence in the list. George told me I will be at the top. He told me on our last hunting trip together.”

The President said, “I will leak one name out that’s on my list and that’s John McCain. He will be pre-pardonicated as I’m hoping he’ll screw things up worse than I did as President and my pardon that will give him free range to do it.”

Sarah Palin said, “I don’t need no stinkin’ list. Even if I start World War III and billions of people die a horrible death, all I have to do is ask Jesus for forgiveness. This is a real perk of being a real Christian.”

Most of Washington is on pins and needles, hoping to be named to the most anticipated pardon list in years. “To get on the list,” said Senator Larry Craig, “I’ll even admit that I once was almost gay.”

“This is so great,” President Bush said. “I am once again a popular President with political capital and I didn’t have to start another war to do it. Now, just about everybody’s coming to see me to beg my pardon.”