ABC WINS RIGHT TO NOVEMBER ELECTION FOR “EXTREME MAKEOVER -WHITE HOUSE EDITION”
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON (PTSD News) – In a fierce bidding war, ABC Television obtained the rights to the November Presidential election, which will now take place on their Extreme Makeover – Home Edition show. “We think the right choice was made to select us,” said Steven M. Bornstein of ABC-TV. “The White House is in shambles due to its present occupant and the American public is anxious to see if it can be saved or will have to be completely bulldozed.”

ABC beat out NBC who wanted the election for their Biggest Loser show. “We are shocked we didn’t win,” said John Eck of NBC Television. “Whoever has to clean up the mess of the current President will surly fail, and it will be a colossal failure on the world stage. Now how is that not going to be the biggest loser?”

“We really thought we had a shot for the election for our Big Brother series,” said Les Moonves of CBS. “After all, it made sense that if the White House has been spying on the American people, the American people should be able to spy on the presidential candidates. Boy would I like to see Obama, Biden, McCain and Palin going after each other after they are cooped up under one roof.”

The real surprise is that Fox failed to secure the election for it’s popular 24 series. “With terrorism being the biggest issue,” said Roger Ailes of Fox TV, “we thought having the election about who could blow up more terrorists, more often was the best possible idea.”

“I know some people were shocked when the election was changed from the regular type of voting and given to a television network,” said Isaac Mellon of the Rand Institute. “But it makes sense, as the media controls the information we get about the election, anyway, and the voting that each of the reality shows conducts would guarantee a more accurate vote count than we had in the 2000 and 2004 Presidential elections.”