WHAT ROVE WOULD DO IF HE WERE A DEMOCRAT
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) Would the approach to the Presidential campaign for the Democratic Party be different if Karl Rove were in charge? “Definitely,” said Rove in an exclusive interview with William J. Greenville in an article that will be published in this month’s Vanity Fair. “The Democrats are stuck on ethics and playing by the rules, which make them an easy target. It’s like they are the timid kid in the school hallway with a big “kick me” sign stuck on their back worried that his hall pass won’t be accepted.”

“You’ve got to come out fighting and fight dirty,” Rove told Greenville. “and you can’t be afraid to think outside the reality box. How else could we have portrayed that drunken AWOL son-of-privilege knuckle-head Bush as the common man war hero, and Kerry who earned purple hearts in actual battle as the coward?”

“The Democrats think this election is about issues which is just as stupid as thinking that the vote on American Idol is about talent. Look, politics is no different than it was in high school, the big tough football hero with the beauty queen by his side will always win over the geek with the ideas and the girl who really cares about world peace.”

“If I were in charge of the Obama campaign there are some things I would do instantly. First, I’d come up with nasty slogan attacks like, ‘McCain – ready for the grave on day one,’ Palin – ready to breed, but not ready to lead.” Then I would attack McCain’s strength – being a POW. I’d frame it like McCain was a loser for getting caught by the enemy and that instead of continuing to fight Communists like other brave soldiers, he was busy telling our enemies just how bad the US was, and make it seem that was what he really believed about America.”

Rove continued, ‘I’d attack Palin for being an anti-family feminist, who should be home raising her kids with moral values, rather than running around like a rock star while her daughter gets knocked up by some ignorant redneck. I’d attack McCain by saying if he doesn’t know how may houses he has, how is he going to know how many soldiers he has as Commander in Chief? And Palin and that Alaska first crowd? Oh, my God. I’d say she not only wanted Alaska to secede from the Union, but she wanted it to join Russia which it practically borders, and I would run an ad asking ‘would you want this woman, Palin to have her hand on the button with PMS, Pentecostal Mental State?’ This would be so much fun, I am tempted to switch parties.”

When asked by Vanity Fair if he was giving valuable ammunition to the Democrats by revealing his strategy, Rove said he wasn’t the least bit worried. “Those Democrats don’t have the guts and besides there is so much Kumbayah over there that a peace march might break out any minute.”