MAVERICK McCAIN TO GIVE CONVENTION ACCEPTANCE SPEECH IN HIS UNDERWEAR
By R J Shulman
MINNEAPOLIS – Sources close to the presumptive Republican Presidential nominee say John McCain will show American just what a maverick his by breaking tradition of wearing a suit and tie while giving his acceptance speech. “When he made that ditzy pick of the unknown and untested Sarah Palin as his VP against our advice, we thought his political career was over,” said Rick Davis of the McCain campaign. “But the press went wild, giving John kudos and calling him a maverick all over again, so we will now milk that maverick pony all the way to the White House.” Sources have indicated that McCain is almost done with his speech which will have nothing to do with the Presidency or even the United States as it will be an hour long description of the migration of Canadian Geese and how that effects the price of cheesecake in New York City.

In a move to further enhance his reputation as a maverick, McCain aids indicated that the Arizona Senator will try to distance himself from the Bush Administration by acting in an opposite manner from what they are doing. “If Bush clears brush from his ranch in Crawford,” Vince Manning of the McCain campaign team said, “then McCain will put brush back onto one of his properties and when McCain goes out hunting with a buddy, he won’t be like Cheney who shot his friend, instead, McCain will shoot himself in the face.”

“It may not be as good as an all out knock-down drag out fight between Hillary and Barack,” said Brian Williams of NBC, “but now that it’s ‘Anything can Happen Day” with McCain, that should prove to be great entertainment value.

An upbeat McCain seems bolstered by the praise he has received for his maverick pick of Alaska Governor Palin. “I am ready to be President on day one,” McCain told a crowd in Indiana yesterday, “and on day one I will name a pony to my cabinet and bomb the heck out of England. Now that’s a maverick for you.”

“We are just going to let John do and say whatever pops into his head,” Davis said, “if what he ends up doing is so crazy that the maverick label doesn’t stick, we can always fall back on the excuse that anyone who criticizes McCain is a traitor because they shouldn’t be blaming him because he was a prisoner of war.”