McCAIN TO PICK RONALD REAGAN AS VP
By R J Shulman
PHOENIX – Bucking all of the predictions regarding his choice of a running mate, Senator John McCain will choose Ronald Reagan to run as his Vice President, the Post Times Sun Dispatch learned today. “This is a brilliant move,” said Charles Scniender, a strategist for the Republican Party, “as it will bring all the conservatives and Reagan Democrats to the polls to vote for McCain.”

“The choice of Reagan is also a positive for McCain because he will look young and vigorous compared to Reagan and he will look more attentive,” Schnieder said. “I couldn’t have suggested a better choice,” said Dick Cheney, “except for me, of course.”

Democratic political strategist James Carville said, “I can’t believe what those Republicans will dig up to win this election.” Barack Obama said he had no comment as he would like to keep the tone of the campaign above board and above ground.

“There is nothing in the Constitution that says you have to be alive to be the Vice President,” said Alan Dershowitz, Harvard Law Professor, “ I guess our founding fathers didn’t think future generations would be so unscrupulous and so dumb.” “I don’t think it’s bad to choosicate a Vice President without a pulse,” President Bush said, “after all, I have a Vice President without a heart.”