“BIGFOOT” DISCOVERED IN GEORGIA WOODS IDENTIFIED AS MISSING CHENEY FRIEND
By R J Shulman
ROME, Georgia – The body of the purported Bigfoot discovered in the North Georgia woods has been identified as Wilfred Benson, a 58 year old attorney from Alpharetta, Georgia. The 7 foot body, whose face was partially shot off was originally thought to be a Bigfoot, but has been confirmed as that of the missing attorney who used to play basketball for the Georgia Bulldogs.

“We were tipped off when we got a call from Benson’s wife Luella,” said Duane Buford of the Georgia State Police, “she said her husband, big Willie hadn’t come home from a hunting trip with Vice President Dick Cheney. She told us,” Buford continued, “that the big hairy ape had been missing for two days. At first we thought that she was using a term of endearment, but man, that guy was big and hairy.”

Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment, but the Post Times Sun Dispatch learned from an anonymous source that the Vice President returned from a hunting trip saying, “it’s not my fault Big Willie got in the way of my shotgun after I’d had a few.” President Bush said, “I’m glad it was some stupid lawyer and not a real genuine Bigfoot as those Darwinistas would try to de-Bible us by claiming it was the missing link and say something crazy like we are antecedents of chimps. Now would somebody get me a banana and get these lice out of my hair?”