BUSH TELLS RUSSIA:STOP YOUR ILLEGAL INVASION AND OCCUPATION OF GEORGIA
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – President Bush admonished Russian leaders today when he called on them to stop their attack on Georgia. “The world does not supporticate your unlawfully illegal invasion and occupation of another sovereign nation which has sovereignty,” Bush said, just back from the Olympics in Beijing, “what makes it so bad is that innocent local civilians who live there locally get killed just because you are greedy to get your blood soaked hands on their oil. You do that sort of thing and the whole world will dispizicate you and want you captured dead or alive.”

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice blasted the Russian government saying that they “cherry picked information that made it look like Georgia was a threat to Russia and based the whole invasion on this phony intelligence they knew to be wrong. These are war crimes and should not go unpunished.”

Vice President Dick Cheney was asked why he thought the Russians invaded Georgia. “This stems from the cold war, where the Russians hated us for our freedom,” Cheney said while inspecting the production line of a new waterboard factory in Lorrain, Ohio at the site of a former General Motors plant.

Barack Obama said he favored an immediate cease fire and for talks to begin. Kerry said that at first he was for the invasion into Georgia then he was against it. John McCain said, “I knew there was trouble from the moment the Russian troops crossed over from Czechoslovakia into South Ossetia because it was going to get the Sunis all riled up. But if there is going to be a fight, I hope it lasts a hundred years.”

When asked by the Post Times Sun Dispatch if he thought it was ironic that he was criticizing another government for invading and occupying a sovereign nation, Bush said, “If there is any irony here, I’ll get Dick Cheney to iron the whole thing out on one of his hunting trips.”