McCAIN FIRES AGENT FOR BOOKING OUTDATED MUSIC ACTS FOR “STRAIGHT TALK EXPRESS TOUR”
By R J Shulman
XENIA, Ohio – John McCain announced that he is replacing long time agent Howie Brillstein, who had been in charge of booking musical acts for the McCain campaign. “Howie’s a great guy, but too old school,” said Rick Davis, Senior McCain Campaign Director. Apparently, Brillstein found out he was fired while on the road in Xenia, Ohio trying to book Vic Damone for McCain’s Cincinnati appearance.

“I am devastated,” Brillstein told the Post Times Sun Dispatch, “I’ve known little Johnny from before his dad sent him to military school to curb his bad temper. I have worked my heart and soul out for him and this is how he repays me? I don’t know what I did wrong. Just last month, I booked Connie Francis for the chick vote, Bill Haley and the Comets for the youth vote and Sammy Davis, Jr., a double winner for the black and Jewish vote. It’s not my fault they didn’t show up.” “We didn’t have the heart to tell Howie that those acts didn’t show because they were dead,” said Marlene Whitley, a McCain aide.

The McCain camp has been growing concerned at the success rival Barack Obama is having in attracting popular musical acts to his campaign trail. Icons of the music world both old and new, ranging from such stars as Bob Dylan, will.i.am, REM, Death Cab for Cutie and Lil Wayne have lent support, some with electrifying results like Germany’s Verklempt who performed during Obama’s successful speech in front of the Brandenburg Gate.

Davis announced the hiring of GOP veteran political strategist Chris Clancy to replace Brillstein. “I have full faith in Chris,” McCain said, “He has shown a keen sense of being with it with the hep crowd and has already booked acts that speak to today’s youth, like 3 Dog Night, Steppenwolf, Dionne Warwick and Engelbert Humperdink.”