McCAIN CHALLENGES OBAMA TO A DUEL
By R J Shulman
PHOENIX - As part of his stepped up campaign against Barack Obama, John McCain announced that he challenged the Illinois Senator to a duel. “Back in my day that’s what you did,” McCain said. “So in my quest to bring back traditional American values, I have done the honorable thing and made this manly challenge to my opponent. I’ll even let him choose the weapon.”

“We think that McCain with his military experience is ready on day one for this duel,” said Rick Davis, McCain Senior Campaign Manager. “I think it’s going to be quite unfortunate for Obama as he has been so consumed with his quest for peace that he has probably never used a weapon.” “I am getting me a front row seat in the front,” said President Bush, “I want to see just how far Obama’s kumbayas will get him against an angry McCain who can really go off like firecrackers on Labor Day.”

Pundits originally predicted that Obama would turn down the duel, however, Obama announced that he will accept the challenge. “We are surprised as we thought Obama would reject the duel, said Karl Rove, “and then we would have attacked him relentlessly over his lack of manhood.” “Since I have a choice of weapon,” Obama said, “the weapon I choose will intellect and the duel will be the debates.”

The Post Times Sun Dispatch attempted to contact Senator McCain to get his comments on Obama’s acceptance, but was told by a McCain spokesperson that the Arizona Senator would be unavailable for comment. Apparently when McCain learned of Obama’s choice of weapon, he flew into rage and destroyed a hotel room with a cache of military weapons.