BUSH: TALKING TO IRAN NOT APPEASMENT BUT STEP TOWARD INVASION
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – The Bush Administration has come under fire for planning talks with Iran after stating that such a meeting was like appeasing the Nazis before World War II. “Those folks who see this as an apeasication are erroneously wrong,” said President Bush, “The people who we are trying to apeasify are the liberal press who say we should talk first before we shock and awe them, so it is our domesticated criticizers for who we will perform this appeasiotomy.”

“The Bush Administration is giving these talks every opportunity to succeed” said Presidential Press Secretary Dana Perino, “so we’re sending John Bolton and Hulk Hogan to talk some sense into the Iranians.” When asked why she would not join the discussion, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said, “what would be the point? They don’t make very good shoes over there.”

Presumed Republican Presidential candidate John McCain, who has scoffed at talking with Iran, said, “talk is cheap, I wish gas prices were. That’s a little joke,” he told a suddenly silent crowd in Colorado Springs, “Look, my friends, what I mean is why bother to have a conversation with them when our bombs will be doing the talking in Iran for at least a hundred years.”

“By staging these talks first,” said Vice President Dick Cheney, “we will always be able to say, we tried before they died.”

Topics that Bush says will be discussed will be who should have won American Idol, whether Hulk Hogan’s wife is a bitch and how Iran will meet the deadline of next Thursday to name George W. Bush the “Decider for Life.” “Nuclear proliferation was originally on the table,” said a White House spokesperson, “but Nancy Pelosi just yanked back that table saying it now may be needed for impeachment.”