CANDIDATES WEIGH IN ON NEW DANISH CARTOON THREAT
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON - Senator John McCain said Wednesday that Denmark’s continued testing of anti-American political cartoons shows the need for an effective cartoon defense shield system while rival Senator Barack Obama said we need aggressive diplomacy combined with sanctions, if necessary. For the second day, Denmark has tested several new cartoons, poking fun at the Bush administration and America. “It was OK when the Danes aimed their cartoons at the Islamofascists, but now they have sided with the terrorists and are preparing weapons of mass cartoons against us,” said Wayne Parsons, a Pentagon spokesman.

“We must unite the world against Denmark’s cartoon threat,” McCain said, “even if we have to continue the Cartoon war for a hundred years.” Obama, who has been criticized for being soft on cartoons by wanting to negotiate with cartoonists, said he will push for an incentive package that seeks to deter Denmark from its cartoon goals.

“There’s something rotten in Denmark,” said Vice President Dick Cheney, “and we may have to go to the dark side, if you will, so that cartooning will be in its final throes.”

Danish Cartoons have become a major campaign issue, however neither candidate voted on a March 2008 resolution calling on the Bush administration to call the Danish Cartoon Guild a terrorist organization, a measure that some members of Congress believed could lead to war.

“We need to take an aggressive stand against this world threat,” said Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, “because would your rather read the cartoons over there or read them over here.” President Bush said, “I don’t worry about the cartoons so much anymore. I kinda like them cartoons cause they’re easier to read than memos about Bin Laden planning attacks. Now if My Pet Goat had more cartoons I could have read it faster and reaticated to 911 more quicker and had time to use that cod piece in my pants when I bullhorned my way to ground zero to speak to the American people.”