KARL ROVE TO HEAD POLITICAL SCIENCE DEPARTMENT AT BOB JONES UNIVERSITY
By R J Shulman
GREENVILLE, South Carolina – Steven Benjamin Jones the President of Bob Jones University announced today that their revamped political science department will have a new chairman, Karl Rove. “We knew we need to round out our programs here at the University to include more than just Creationism, anti-gay crusading and history of the Confederacy, “Jones said, “so who better to shape a bold new political science curriculum than the man who practically invented politics, the honorable Karl Rove.”

“After dodging all those subpoenas and vicious attacks from the vast left wing conspiracy,” Rove said, “this new position will be welcome. Kids these days are more interested in voting for their fave on American Idol than stealing votes in national elections. I hope to be able to bring the traditional values of the Republican party back to the classroom, you know, lying, cheating, character assassination, and my favorite, abuse of power.” “It will be refreshing to teach these young minds,” said Dean Franklin Willhoffer, “that wanting change doesn’t mean going to Washington to change things for the better, but change means changing the vote totals so your side can be get a victorious mandate from the people.”

Guest lecturers of political stature will include Colin Powell teaching “Preparing For War is a Piece of Yellow Cake, Kenneth Lay,“How to Fake Your Death After You Get Caught,” Dick Cheney, “Why the Dark Side is for Pussies,” Larry Craig, “Public Bathrooms Where I Said I Was Not Gay,” and George W. Bush, “Learning to Read My Pet Goat Without Getting Interrupted.”