BUSH VISITS FLOOD DAMAGED IOWA TO GET FEET WET ON DISASTER RELIEF
By R J Shulman
CEDAR RAPIDS - President Bush arrived in Iowa today to inspect the damage caused by the worst flooding in the Midwest in decades. “Who could have known that the Mississippi River could overflow from the rain,” the President said, “but even without Brownie, we’re doing a heck of a job, as this time no one in New Orleans was flooded under water. What I want to know is if they name floods after people like they do with hurricanes, like this could be Flood Charlie or something.”

“It is no accident that the floods are worst in Iowa, which voted for Obama and gave him his start, and Illinois, the state he represents in the Senate,” said Vice President Dick Cheney. “That means if a person votes for a Democrat this fall, we will be hit again by natural disasters, and we will be hit hard.” “The reason that Iowa is getting such disastrous floods,” said Reverend John Hagee, “is that Iowa did not protest enough against California legalizing gay marriage.”

While the FEMA Disaster Relief Fund’s $4 billion could go a long way toward helping the devastated area, President Bush warned that the money should not be hastily spent, saying “there will be a bigger gimungous disaster later this year, say late October, say right before the election, and after we scaricate everyone into voting Republican again, we will need that disaster relief money for other things, heh-heh, heh-heh.”