BUSH: HISTORY WILL JUDGE ME A GREAT PRESIDENT EVEN IF I HAVE TO CHANGE HISTORY
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – As his Presidency winds down, George W. Bush is looking for his legacy. “Some folks say I don’t have a legacy to stand on,” Bush said, “but when I looked into the eyes of Ronald Regan’s White House portrait, I heard him say, ‘you’re doin’ a heck of a job, Bushie.’ Regan is like a god,” Bush continued, “After all, he had all that hindsight in front of him to take Carter’s solar panels off the White House so that we could rely on foreign oil and give me a reason to be a war president.”

Bush claims to have elicited favorable comments from other presidential portraits. According to Bush, Herbert Hoover told him, “Now I don’t feel so bad about my great depression after I’ve seen how depressed you have made everyone.” Nixon said, “And they thought I was a crook.’ “Thanks for outdoing even me,” was the comment from James Polk, who many agree was widely considered the worst president until Bush.

“So,” Bush concluded, “if them books on the history of the world, which was what I majored in at Yale, or maybe I majored in the history of beer. In any case, when the book is thrown out at me with all that negatory stuff from those hate filled liberal press persons, I’ll have my daddy and the Supreme Court fixicate those books so that they’ll make me out to be the President I should have been.”