DEMS REJECT CLINTON’S BID TO COUNT FLORIDA AND MICHIGAN DELEGATES;VOTE TO RECOUNT 2004 OHIO VOTES INSTEAD
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – To the surprise of everyone, after failing to come to a decision on whether to seat the disputed Florida and Michigan delegates, Democratic party officials agreed that what was needed was a full recount of the Ohio votes cast in the 2004 election. “We realized that the biggest disservice to the Democratic Party and to the world,” said Representative Robert Wexler of Florida “was when Senator Kerry gave up so fast on the vote count in Ohio, guaranteeing Bush a second and, if you can believe it, more disastrous second term.”

At first there was silence among the supporters of Hillary Clinton who wanted all of the Florida and Michigan delegates counted and an equally quiet response from followers of Obama who were hoping for some compromise. Then there were shouting and hugging as Democrats became instantly united. “I never thought I would hug an arugula chomping Obama supporter,” said Wanda Levitt and 63 year-old Hillary Clinton supporter, “but when I realized the enemy was Bush, I knew that the vote counting we needed was in Ohio in 2004.”

“Better late than never,” said Charles Olney of Cleveland, Ohio who had come to support Obama. “Without Bush’s second term, we would have a saner supreme court, torture would have been declared un-American as it should be and spying would be left to the movies and not our own government on we the people.”

While a small minority of Democrats had felt they had adequate proof that the Ohio vote was stolen in 2004 and that Kerry had actually won, this was the first time their theories were given a green light by the Democratic party. No viable challenge to the Ohio vote, which decided the 2004 election was raised at the time, as Kerry reacted swiftly by conceding the election. “I wish he had reacted that swiftly to the Swift Boat attack ads,” said a former Kerry supporter.

With Florida and Michigan no longer in play, Senator Obama will most likely declare victory this coming week. Sources close to the Obama and Clinton camps have said discussion are underway to solidify Democratic unity by running an Obama/Clinton ticket in the fall. “But first,” said Harlod Ickys, a Clinton advisor, “we will negate the Bush 2004 election and place Senator Kerry in the White House so he can begin to clean up the biggest pile of dog excrement ever created in Washington.”