HILLARY TO BARACK: YOU CAN BE PRESIDENT OF OREGON, I’LL BE PRESIDENT OF KENTUCKY
LOUISVILLE, Kentucky – Senator Clinton made an offer today to Democratic front runner Barack Obama in a telephone conversation that the best way to promote party unity is to divide up the country. “The fairest way to determine who should be President is to have the person who won each state be President of that state,” she told Senator Obama who was campaigning in Billings, Montana. “For example, I’ll be President of New York, California, New Jersey and Pennsylvania and the like, and I’ll let you have Maine, Guam and the Virgin Islands.”

The party is seriously contemplating Senator Clinton’s idea, according to Democratic sources. “This idea worked a number of years ago when the Pope divided the world between Spain and Portugal,” said Harvey Lineberg, a Democratic Party spokesman.

There is still disagreement as to what to do with Florida and Michigan, whose delegates were disqualified when they held early primaries in defiance of party rules. “Michigan will probably be given to the Canadians. Let them deal with all the unemployment around Detroit,” said Clyde Fleming, a Democratic Party strategist, “and Florida should be given to the Cubans. Heck. Florida is mostly Cuban now anyway.”

“I think my offer to Senator Obama is very magnanimous,” said Hillary Clinton. “By the Republican rules of winner-take-all delegates per state in their primaries, I’d have already won. In other words, if I were a Republican, I’d be the nominee. “She is a Republican,” said Dennis Kucinich of Ohio, who had dropped out of the Presidential race a few months ago, “After all, she did vote for the war.”